Tag Archives: domestic partners

3 Years Blogging. 25 Before 25.

This post will probably take me quite a while to write. Maybe I shouldn’t put everything all in one post, and maybe I will end up splitting this up at some point, but for now, here goes nothing.

I have had this blog for going on three years. I suppose I started it around the same time I decided I was to propose to my then girlfriend, now domestic partner. Oh boy did we not expect to be where we are today three years ago. We have been through so much.

What I really want to talk about though, is this: In about a week and a half, I will be 24. Three months after that, my father will turn 50 and that, my dear mathematicians means that next year, when I turn 25 and finally getting my BA/starting my Masters? my father will be  exactly twice my age and I will be the age he was when I was born. It seems like that should be such a bizarre concept to me, but really, it makes sense. My dad was definitely a mid-twenties/early thirties kind of dad. In that, I mean I never felt like he was soooo much older than me. We had intellectual discussions, he allowed me to make my own decisions, even if he fought them the whole way. He grew as I grew, and we grow together. What does feel weird is that I’m not there yet. I’m not where he was when he was 24, of course in some ways I’m past where he was I suppose.

When he was 24 he was living in a co-op household attic, my mother was almost five years older than him, and lived right across the attic. He had just graduated with his BA in Environmental Studies and was working on a farm. I think I’ve told this story before, but just in case we need a refresher… His father was dying and his girlfriend (my mother) found out she was pregnant, the same week. They moved up to Mendocino with dreams of starting a blueberry farm, but instead lived in a little one-room cottage with no electricity and my mother, pregnant and living with an incurable disease that causes really poor circulation to extremities, absolutely hating every second of the cold. My dad’s best friend – his dog midnight, was stolen one night while they were eating dinner, and eventually they had had enough. They moved back to their community, rented a little house, I was born. He got a job with the county as a planner and six months later they got married. Typical early 90s life right? Two years later they were divorced. I don’t want to be divorced before I turn 30.

I don’t want to be divorced period.

Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy for the people I have gained in my life because my parents divorced. But generally, divorces are not so easy. For my parents, well, my family is unique. Divorce in my family seems to just mean an addition to the family, no retractions, but still. I don’t want to get divorced.

I wound up so off track I have to remind myself to rein it in.

I wanted this post to be about the things I want to do or accomplish before I turn 25 because I know the year will flash by in a hurry or seem to drag on until it is over. I so badly wanted to put “create life”, “have a baby” on this list of mine. It’s been on my “to do before, or at 25” for as long as I can remember. I guess I just assumed somewhere in my head that would be the natural progression… I get married at 24-25 and then have kids immediately. That’s not what my parents drilled into me, the opposite is true, but I somehow just assumed that would be my life. Reflection is an interesting and dangerous thing. We have solid plans now and that makes my heart rest a little easier, having the goals, the stepping-stones that have to be crossed. Of course the best laid plans right? Such is life, especially our life.


Here goes 25, before 25:

  1. Take ME time, and US time.
  2. Run a 5k
  3. Take a walk to the beach at least once a week.
  4. Re-learn the cello
  5. Visit a country I’ve never been to
  6. Take an “electronic-free” day at least once a month.
  7. Choose 5 accomplishable tasks every week and complete them.
  8. Finish our “first year” scrapbook, almost four years later.
  9. Read two books per quarter that are not required reading.
  10. Play a duet with my partner
  11. Start a community garden near our apartment and/or Plant a garden for my grandparents
  12. Hike 7 falls again
  13. Take the kayaks out
  14. Keep our bedroom clean for a month
  15. Paint a picture
  16. Make a new friend
  17. Get a cat
  18. Find a doable volunteer position and go once a week.
  19. Fly a kite
  20. Take a dance class
  21. Visit my godson
  22. Prioritize music & friendships – Go to a friend’s show at least every other month.
  23. Minimize the STUFF (get rid of things I don’t need), de-clutter.
  24. Call my nonbio-still-completely-siblings, more frequently.
  25. Dance in the rain.

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Filed under family, friendships, growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal, Work


Class. Gym. Class. Scarf down lunch. Repair rock chip. Interview caretakers. smog check. bank. Dinner? taxes. Homework. Pack. Sleep. Breakfast/homework. Class. Gym. Sign lease. Move some furniture. Taxes. Dinner. Homework? Sleep. Class. Lunch. Dentist. Sell truck. It’s a busy three days. Who decided to sign a lease/sell the beloved truck/interview caretakers and put off taxes until RIGHT before financial aid forms are due?! This crazy person, that’s who. In addition I would like to mention Taxes for a newly partnered twosome are no fun. There are no good rules about how to do this. The tax preparers were more confused than we were and said we should come back today when the “domestic partnership expert” will be here. Awesome. So we’ll hopefully head back tonight. I shouldn’t even be on the computer right now. Good day to y’all!

In other news I’m going back to work soon.

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Filed under growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal

Little moments, Big gestures

The past few months I felt as though my wife and I had these great little moments but our day-to-day interactions were just friendly/civil and perhaps we weren’t connecting the way we should be. I started to question why, if it was just the stress, or our inability to handle stress together, or did we suddenly just hate each other?! What the hell happened?

I realized somewhere along the way, as it was getting closer to Valentine’s Day, that I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her. Not that this was the sole issue, but I noticed. I ask her how her day is, and then butt in with how annoyed/stressful/tiring mine was and then we get on our separate computers and forget about each other for the rest of the night… Or so it seemed.

For Valentine’s Day I bought a big giant puzzle – she likes mind games, I can’t stand playing hardly any game against her because she always wins by at least 100 points, and what’s the point in playing if there is exactly ZERO chance of winning? I at least want to think I have a chance no? – I digress. I bought 1000 piece puzzle for us to do together and then frame in our new apartment. An accomplishable project for us to as a team. Then I bought some flowers and she made us a packed lunch, I met her at her office and we took off to the beach for a quick lunch in the sand. Seriously, it was so easy, we could probably do it once a week at least and it was just a nice relaxing, let’s remember why we love each other moment. Also there were about 10 other couples of all ages walking or picnicking which didn’t hurt the feeling of love in the afternoon air either.

She wrote me a really truly from the heart card, and I said some ridiculous things, as is my nature. And then I told her she was getting a full-body massage, from me. “What?! But you’ll be tired, etc etc.” No, I said. You deserve it, and I want to.

I’ve been thinking about this. I hadn’t felt very emotionally attached and whenever I can provide that relaxation and give that amount of love to her, I feel so much more connected, spiritually, emotionally, sexually.

So a few nights ago, I told her it was time at least a warm-up massage, a shortened version of the full massage I want to give her. I massaged her neck and her chest, her arms and her hands, her scalp and even her face and her ears. And then, well, this isn’t that kind of blog, but we had a really good night, and we connected more than we have in weeks.

I’m putting more effort into it, I’m thinking about why we fell in love with each other and the little things I used to do just to say that incredible smile, or make her notice me, when I notice myself doing these things again, I also notice the ways she notices, and all the ways in which I love her, and all the ways in which she loves me.

We’ve been together less than four years, and domestic partners less than a year, but we have been through so much sometimes it feels like twenty, so I am committing to remembering to do the little things, to notice, to appreciate, to touch, to care, to love.

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Filed under family, Married Life