Category Archives: Work

3 Years Blogging. 25 Before 25.

This post will probably take me quite a while to write. Maybe I shouldn’t put everything all in one post, and maybe I will end up splitting this up at some point, but for now, here goes nothing.

I have had this blog for going on three years. I suppose I started it around the same time I decided I was to propose to my then girlfriend, now domestic partner. Oh boy did we not expect to be where we are today three years ago. We have been through so much.

What I really want to talk about though, is this: In about a week and a half, I will be 24. Three months after that, my father will turn 50 and that, my dear mathematicians means that next year, when I turn 25 and finally getting my BA/starting my Masters? my father will be  exactly twice my age and I will be the age he was when I was born. It seems like that should be such a bizarre concept to me, but really, it makes sense. My dad was definitely a mid-twenties/early thirties kind of dad. In that, I mean I never felt like he was soooo much older than me. We had intellectual discussions, he allowed me to make my own decisions, even if he fought them the whole way. He grew as I grew, and we grow together. What does feel weird is that I’m not there yet. I’m not where he was when he was 24, of course in some ways I’m past where he was I suppose.

When he was 24 he was living in a co-op household attic, my mother was almost five years older than him, and lived right across the attic. He had just graduated with his BA in Environmental Studies and was working on a farm. I think I’ve told this story before, but just in case we need a refresher… His father was dying and his girlfriend (my mother) found out she was pregnant, the same week. They moved up to Mendocino with dreams of starting a blueberry farm, but instead lived in a little one-room cottage with no electricity and my mother, pregnant and living with an incurable disease that causes really poor circulation to extremities, absolutely hating every second of the cold. My dad’s best friend – his dog midnight, was stolen one night while they were eating dinner, and eventually they had had enough. They moved back to their community, rented a little house, I was born. He got a job with the county as a planner and six months later they got married. Typical early 90s life right? Two years later they were divorced. I don’t want to be divorced before I turn 30.

I don’t want to be divorced period.

Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy for the people I have gained in my life because my parents divorced. But generally, divorces are not so easy. For my parents, well, my family is unique. Divorce in my family seems to just mean an addition to the family, no retractions, but still. I don’t want to get divorced.

I wound up so off track I have to remind myself to rein it in.

I wanted this post to be about the things I want to do or accomplish before I turn 25 because I know the year will flash by in a hurry or seem to drag on until it is over. I so badly wanted to put “create life”, “have a baby” on this list of mine. It’s been on my “to do before, or at 25” for as long as I can remember. I guess I just assumed somewhere in my head that would be the natural progression… I get married at 24-25 and then have kids immediately. That’s not what my parents drilled into me, the opposite is true, but I somehow just assumed that would be my life. Reflection is an interesting and dangerous thing. We have solid plans now and that makes my heart rest a little easier, having the goals, the stepping-stones that have to be crossed. Of course the best laid plans right? Such is life, especially our life.

dance

Here goes 25, before 25:

  1. Take ME time, and US time.
  2. Run a 5k
  3. Take a walk to the beach at least once a week.
  4. Re-learn the cello
  5. Visit a country I’ve never been to
  6. Take an “electronic-free” day at least once a month.
  7. Choose 5 accomplishable tasks every week and complete them.
  8. Finish our “first year” scrapbook, almost four years later.
  9. Read two books per quarter that are not required reading.
  10. Play a duet with my partner
  11. Start a community garden near our apartment and/or Plant a garden for my grandparents
  12. Hike 7 falls again
  13. Take the kayaks out
  14. Keep our bedroom clean for a month
  15. Paint a picture
  16. Make a new friend
  17. Get a cat
  18. Find a doable volunteer position and go once a week.
  19. Fly a kite
  20. Take a dance class
  21. Visit my godson
  22. Prioritize music & friendships – Go to a friend’s show at least every other month.
  23. Minimize the STUFF (get rid of things I don’t need), de-clutter.
  24. Call my nonbio-still-completely-siblings, more frequently.
  25. Dance in the rain.
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Filed under family, friendships, growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal, Work

Politics – Day 21

There are nine days left in my 30 Day Meme experiment and eight days until my fiance and I are going to California to visit my friends and family for Thanksgiving. We haven’t seen them in seven months and it’ll only be the second time she’s met everybody but already they know she’s family and she knows that she is an essential new part of the family too. Today’s topic is all about personal politics and it’s a good thing I’m writing this really late at night or you would be in for a very long rant…

Day 21: Political LGBT issue that is closest to you or affects you most

There are so many LGBT issues at the forefront and finally getting a lot of media attention that it’s hard to say what would be most important to me. The despicable way in which LGBT people are treated in other countries, tortured and killed for being seen kissing someone of the same-sex or dressing “inappropriately”. The laws here in the U.S. that allow people to be fired from their jobs, or kicked out of their homes, just because they reside in a state that allows such discrimination to continue. The military men and women who risk their lives every day fighting for a country that won’t allow them to reach out to their loved ones for fear of risking their jobs. Living in a country where the validity of a marriage can change depending on the state the couple is in at the moment. These are all laws that need to change and they are so intertwined it would seem ridiculous to separate them at all. The “Employment Non-Discrimination Act” and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” would ensure people cannot be discriminated against in the workplace or said workplace could face charges. What should be included in that would be partner benefits. Any LGBT couple should be entitled to the same rights and responsibilities as any other couple, which brings us to the “Defense of Marriage Act”. Doing away with this act would ensure that marriages are all treated the same anywhere in the country, you have the same rights as any other couple. This should be an old issue, but for some reason, we’re still struggling to figure it out. It’s not hard.

To end this post, a little Daily Show update for you:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-november-15-2010/it-gets-worse-psa

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Filed under 30 Day Meme, Engaged Life, family, Politics is Personal, Work

Heroes & Role Models

Day 13: LGBT Role Models/Celebrities

Role Models: Maybe this sounds cliche. Maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to say because it’s supposed to be a celebrity? My lgbt role models started when I was young. My dance teacher and his partner because growing up they were the only out gay couple I knew. They weren’t loud about it, as far as I know they still don’t go to family gatherings together, but they’re in love and have been together for almost twenty years I think. They show me Pride is important and beautiful and so is love.

Another Role Model is Robin McGehee, just a great mother turned activist. Fighting for her rights. I don’t necessarily believe in everything that she says. But she fights for what she believes in and that’s important.

All of the brave men and women, transfolk and genderbenders,  LGBT2QIA people, all of the alphabet soup people who come out of the closet even when it’s hard, in other countries or right here in the U.S. All of those that came out before I did, that came out publicly to take a stand, or came out quietly and let people know we’re not scary. All the people that took beatings and those that fought back, those that were peaceful, those that wrote letters, those that created new kinds of families. Those people are my role models. Also this new generation that’s growing up now, the ones who are so brave to stand up to homophobia in their high schools, in the junior highs, those that stand beside us because they just know it’s the right thing to do.

On that note, as far as celebrities go. My favorite celebrities are those that take a stand, that come out even when it may mean risking their job: Lt. Dan Choi and all the other brave soldiers fired under DADT, gay and lesbian actors and actresses who came out, who are coming out. Politicians who come out and don’t hide behind their political party.

Those are my role models. Goodnight.


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Filed under 30 Day Meme, gender, Politics is Personal, Work