Category Archives: Politics is Personal

My Grandmother

Upon hearing that my wife and I are splitting up, and that I might possibly someday want to consider going back to school to become a Rabbi. She said, “K will always be apart of our family, because you loved her and because we love her.” I know Grandma. I love her too, we just can’t be together. She said “Of course you can be a Rabbi, this is not such a crazy idea.”

So we talk. Then last night a few hours after our lunch, she sends me two emails, with one link in each email, no other text the first one is this:
and the second one is this:

Now, I don’t know if my grandmother ever knew that I thought for a time I might be trans, or if she just knows Queer Judaism are as intertwined into my soul as anything. She’s not one for big heart-to-hearts but she is my liberal southern Grandma and I love her with all my heart.


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Filed under Divorce?, family, gender, Politics is Personal, Religion

3 Years Blogging. 25 Before 25.

This post will probably take me quite a while to write. Maybe I shouldn’t put everything all in one post, and maybe I will end up splitting this up at some point, but for now, here goes nothing.

I have had this blog for going on three years. I suppose I started it around the same time I decided I was to propose to my then girlfriend, now domestic partner. Oh boy did we not expect to be where we are today three years ago. We have been through so much.

What I really want to talk about though, is this: In about a week and a half, I will be 24. Three months after that, my father will turn 50 and that, my dear mathematicians means that next year, when I turn 25 and finally getting my BA/starting my Masters? my father will be  exactly twice my age and I will be the age he was when I was born. It seems like that should be such a bizarre concept to me, but really, it makes sense. My dad was definitely a mid-twenties/early thirties kind of dad. In that, I mean I never felt like he was soooo much older than me. We had intellectual discussions, he allowed me to make my own decisions, even if he fought them the whole way. He grew as I grew, and we grow together. What does feel weird is that I’m not there yet. I’m not where he was when he was 24, of course in some ways I’m past where he was I suppose.

When he was 24 he was living in a co-op household attic, my mother was almost five years older than him, and lived right across the attic. He had just graduated with his BA in Environmental Studies and was working on a farm. I think I’ve told this story before, but just in case we need a refresher… His father was dying and his girlfriend (my mother) found out she was pregnant, the same week. They moved up to Mendocino with dreams of starting a blueberry farm, but instead lived in a little one-room cottage with no electricity and my mother, pregnant and living with an incurable disease that causes really poor circulation to extremities, absolutely hating every second of the cold. My dad’s best friend – his dog midnight, was stolen one night while they were eating dinner, and eventually they had had enough. They moved back to their community, rented a little house, I was born. He got a job with the county as a planner and six months later they got married. Typical early 90s life right? Two years later they were divorced. I don’t want to be divorced before I turn 30.

I don’t want to be divorced period.

Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy for the people I have gained in my life because my parents divorced. But generally, divorces are not so easy. For my parents, well, my family is unique. Divorce in my family seems to just mean an addition to the family, no retractions, but still. I don’t want to get divorced.

I wound up so off track I have to remind myself to rein it in.

I wanted this post to be about the things I want to do or accomplish before I turn 25 because I know the year will flash by in a hurry or seem to drag on until it is over. I so badly wanted to put “create life”, “have a baby” on this list of mine. It’s been on my “to do before, or at 25” for as long as I can remember. I guess I just assumed somewhere in my head that would be the natural progression… I get married at 24-25 and then have kids immediately. That’s not what my parents drilled into me, the opposite is true, but I somehow just assumed that would be my life. Reflection is an interesting and dangerous thing. We have solid plans now and that makes my heart rest a little easier, having the goals, the stepping-stones that have to be crossed. Of course the best laid plans right? Such is life, especially our life.


Here goes 25, before 25:

  1. Take ME time, and US time.
  2. Run a 5k
  3. Take a walk to the beach at least once a week.
  4. Re-learn the cello
  5. Visit a country I’ve never been to
  6. Take an “electronic-free” day at least once a month.
  7. Choose 5 accomplishable tasks every week and complete them.
  8. Finish our “first year” scrapbook, almost four years later.
  9. Read two books per quarter that are not required reading.
  10. Play a duet with my partner
  11. Start a community garden near our apartment and/or Plant a garden for my grandparents
  12. Hike 7 falls again
  13. Take the kayaks out
  14. Keep our bedroom clean for a month
  15. Paint a picture
  16. Make a new friend
  17. Get a cat
  18. Find a doable volunteer position and go once a week.
  19. Fly a kite
  20. Take a dance class
  21. Visit my godson
  22. Prioritize music & friendships – Go to a friend’s show at least every other month.
  23. Minimize the STUFF (get rid of things I don’t need), de-clutter.
  24. Call my nonbio-still-completely-siblings, more frequently.
  25. Dance in the rain.

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Filed under family, friendships, growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal, Work


Class. Gym. Class. Scarf down lunch. Repair rock chip. Interview caretakers. smog check. bank. Dinner? taxes. Homework. Pack. Sleep. Breakfast/homework. Class. Gym. Sign lease. Move some furniture. Taxes. Dinner. Homework? Sleep. Class. Lunch. Dentist. Sell truck. It’s a busy three days. Who decided to sign a lease/sell the beloved truck/interview caretakers and put off taxes until RIGHT before financial aid forms are due?! This crazy person, that’s who. In addition I would like to mention Taxes for a newly partnered twosome are no fun. There are no good rules about how to do this. The tax preparers were more confused than we were and said we should come back today when the “domestic partnership expert” will be here. Awesome. So we’ll hopefully head back tonight. I shouldn’t even be on the computer right now. Good day to y’all!

In other news I’m going back to work soon.

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Filed under growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal


Peace is my grandfather sleeping through the night. Peace is my grandfather eating his dinner without cursing in pain. It is him taking a nap without cursing the whole goddamned world as soon as he wakes up. Peace has been given through the sheer wonders of Medical Marijuana. For days his medication wasn’t working, we were out of his stronger meds, and finally my wife half-jokingly asked him if he wanted to smoke. He gave a hearty YES. This from a WWII vet, former engineer, civil rights worker, business owner, 89 year-old man in tremendous amounts of pain. YES. I want some. Now.

So I went out and got him some marijuana, who denies a man like that some peace? Hell. Who denies this whole house some peace? Not me. I knew that marijuana could help arthritis and joint pain, but stop a cranky old man from cussing out the world? Now that’s just our little piece of paradise. Is he completely pain-free? No. But as he put it, the pain has dulled so he’s much more pleasant to be around.  If I can give him a bit of peace just by rolling him a joint, then hell yes. I will make it happen.

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Filed under family, Married Life, Politics is Personal


Putting my godson to bed

I haven’t posted lately because I haven’t had anything productive to say, and if I don’t have anything productive to say it starts to sound like whining rather than blogging. Right now, if I even see a baby on television or a high chair in our living room leftover from a friend visiting, my uterus aches. Physically aches. I have always wanted a child, always known I am meant to be a parent. This is different, this is painful. Knowing I can’t do anything about it, knowing I can’t be a parent yet, because we don’t have the right parts? And because we don’t have the right parts we have to be deemed “ready” by the courts and or the various agencies for adoption. I think it’s more though, it is as if my body inherently knows I’m ready. We’re not ready monetarily, we’re probably not ready as a couple, we certainly aren’t ready as far as providing for any future children, but I’m ready. No one is ever really ready I suppose, and there are so many things I am not ready for, but children? I was born so I could care for others. It is in my bones.

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Filed under family, growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal

The Other Son

Wife and I went on our now ritual Sunday night date to see “The Other Son.” It was beautifully done. A switched at birth Israeli/Palestinian. Really made us think about what makes a person who they are? What would happen if one day you find out that due to some tragic accident you are who you were raised to fear and to hate? Who are you without the culture you were raised in? Because that does shape us doesn’t it? Whether we agree with our parents choices our family, our culture defines how we think about the world in some very serious ways.

If you have watched the movie, what did you think? If you haven’t, is there a movie that you feel changed your perception or made you analyze your life differently?

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Filed under family, Media, Politics is Personal, Religion

Immediate Election Day Gut Reactions

We Voted

Okay, I can breathe… President Obama for another four years. Tammy Baldwin voted FIRST LGBT person elected to the Senate. Maine and Maryland just VOTED for marriage equality, with Washington on the way. It looks like Minnesota is on the right track to defeat an anti-gay marriage proposition there.

We’re still waiting on some important propositions here in California, but right now in this instant, I feel really good about the state of the country. Women said no, you cannot dictate what happens to my body. The people said that we matter, that it is important we treat everyone fairly, equally. There is still so much work to be done, but tonight I feel empowered.


–Update— 11.10.12 There are now TEN states that have legalized marriage equality. Booya!

Also, this means I will still have health insurance in January, thank you Mr. President.

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Filed under Politics is Personal