Category Archives: growing up

3 Years Blogging. 25 Before 25.

This post will probably take me quite a while to write. Maybe I shouldn’t put everything all in one post, and maybe I will end up splitting this up at some point, but for now, here goes nothing.

I have had this blog for going on three years. I suppose I started it around the same time I decided I was to propose to my then girlfriend, now domestic partner. Oh boy did we not expect to be where we are today three years ago. We have been through so much.

What I really want to talk about though, is this: In about a week and a half, I will be 24. Three months after that, my father will turn 50 and that, my dear mathematicians means that next year, when I turn 25 and finally getting my BA/starting my Masters? my father will be  exactly twice my age and I will be the age he was when I was born. It seems like that should be such a bizarre concept to me, but really, it makes sense. My dad was definitely a mid-twenties/early thirties kind of dad. In that, I mean I never felt like he was soooo much older than me. We had intellectual discussions, he allowed me to make my own decisions, even if he fought them the whole way. He grew as I grew, and we grow together. What does feel weird is that I’m not there yet. I’m not where he was when he was 24, of course in some ways I’m past where he was I suppose.

When he was 24 he was living in a co-op household attic, my mother was almost five years older than him, and lived right across the attic. He had just graduated with his BA in Environmental Studies and was working on a farm. I think I’ve told this story before, but just in case we need a refresher… His father was dying and his girlfriend (my mother) found out she was pregnant, the same week. They moved up to Mendocino with dreams of starting a blueberry farm, but instead lived in a little one-room cottage with no electricity and my mother, pregnant and living with an incurable disease that causes really poor circulation to extremities, absolutely hating every second of the cold. My dad’s best friend – his dog midnight, was stolen one night while they were eating dinner, and eventually they had had enough. They moved back to their community, rented a little house, I was born. He got a job with the county as a planner and six months later they got married. Typical early 90s life right? Two years later they were divorced. I don’t want to be divorced before I turn 30.

I don’t want to be divorced period.

Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy for the people I have gained in my life because my parents divorced. But generally, divorces are not so easy. For my parents, well, my family is unique. Divorce in my family seems to just mean an addition to the family, no retractions, but still. I don’t want to get divorced.

I wound up so off track I have to remind myself to rein it in.

I wanted this post to be about the things I want to do or accomplish before I turn 25 because I know the year will flash by in a hurry or seem to drag on until it is over. I so badly wanted to put “create life”, “have a baby” on this list of mine. It’s been on my “to do before, or at 25” for as long as I can remember. I guess I just assumed somewhere in my head that would be the natural progression… I get married at 24-25 and then have kids immediately. That’s not what my parents drilled into me, the opposite is true, but I somehow just assumed that would be my life. Reflection is an interesting and dangerous thing. We have solid plans now and that makes my heart rest a little easier, having the goals, the stepping-stones that have to be crossed. Of course the best laid plans right? Such is life, especially our life.

dance

Here goes 25, before 25:

  1. Take ME time, and US time.
  2. Run a 5k
  3. Take a walk to the beach at least once a week.
  4. Re-learn the cello
  5. Visit a country I’ve never been to
  6. Take an “electronic-free” day at least once a month.
  7. Choose 5 accomplishable tasks every week and complete them.
  8. Finish our “first year” scrapbook, almost four years later.
  9. Read two books per quarter that are not required reading.
  10. Play a duet with my partner
  11. Start a community garden near our apartment and/or Plant a garden for my grandparents
  12. Hike 7 falls again
  13. Take the kayaks out
  14. Keep our bedroom clean for a month
  15. Paint a picture
  16. Make a new friend
  17. Get a cat
  18. Find a doable volunteer position and go once a week.
  19. Fly a kite
  20. Take a dance class
  21. Visit my godson
  22. Prioritize music & friendships – Go to a friend’s show at least every other month.
  23. Minimize the STUFF (get rid of things I don’t need), de-clutter.
  24. Call my nonbio-still-completely-siblings, more frequently.
  25. Dance in the rain.
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Filed under family, friendships, growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal, Work

Schedules

Class. Gym. Class. Scarf down lunch. Repair rock chip. Interview caretakers. smog check. bank. Dinner? taxes. Homework. Pack. Sleep. Breakfast/homework. Class. Gym. Sign lease. Move some furniture. Taxes. Dinner. Homework? Sleep. Class. Lunch. Dentist. Sell truck. It’s a busy three days. Who decided to sign a lease/sell the beloved truck/interview caretakers and put off taxes until RIGHT before financial aid forms are due?! This crazy person, that’s who. In addition I would like to mention Taxes for a newly partnered twosome are no fun. There are no good rules about how to do this. The tax preparers were more confused than we were and said we should come back today when the “domestic partnership expert” will be here. Awesome. So we’ll hopefully head back tonight. I shouldn’t even be on the computer right now. Good day to y’all!

In other news I’m going back to work soon.

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Filed under growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal

Timing

Putting my godson to bed

I haven’t posted lately because I haven’t had anything productive to say, and if I don’t have anything productive to say it starts to sound like whining rather than blogging. Right now, if I even see a baby on television or a high chair in our living room leftover from a friend visiting, my uterus aches. Physically aches. I have always wanted a child, always known I am meant to be a parent. This is different, this is painful. Knowing I can’t do anything about it, knowing I can’t be a parent yet, because we don’t have the right parts? And because we don’t have the right parts we have to be deemed “ready” by the courts and or the various agencies for adoption. I think it’s more though, it is as if my body inherently knows I’m ready. We’re not ready monetarily, we’re probably not ready as a couple, we certainly aren’t ready as far as providing for any future children, but I’m ready. No one is ever really ready I suppose, and there are so many things I am not ready for, but children? I was born so I could care for others. It is in my bones.

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Filed under family, growing up, Married Life, Politics is Personal

Being Jewish and…

I think I’ve come to realize that for Jewish families the only thing important is that you remain Jewish and remain a family. Little else can shock the family. For instance, when I came out to my father, who is studying to be a Rabbi, we were sitting in the driveway of his house, the Jeep Grand Cherokee probably still running, or maybe turned off in the middle of an awkward sentence like we do when we suddenly realize this may be a longer conversation that originally planned. You see I hadn’t planned on telling him I was gay, actually I don’t think I did. I think I had just finished telling him that the guy he really wanted me to spend the rest of my life with was actually no longer my boyfriend because I really actually had a crush on this girl with pink streaks in her hair and that I was confused and that it might be possible that I might be gay… And this is what he told me after a long pause “Honey I will always love you no matter what but I think I would rather you marry a Jewish woman than a non-Jewish man.” Of course it is years later and I happen to have met and fell in love with a non-religious definitely not Jewish woman and again my father and I had to have a conversation which went something like this… I really really love her Papa and I think she may be the one… “Is she Jewish?” Well no, but she supports me and loves me. “Oh… Would she be willing to convert?” Well actually Papa I have no interest in asking her to convert she is spiritual and participates in Jewish ritual with me and loves learning…. This conversation was not actually one conversation but many over the space of at least a year and will probably continue to take place especially because he will be performing the ceremony but the next part of the conversation, months later, after I proposed, went something like this: “You know I love the home that you and Kacie have created together, you’re really good together. Will you raise your children Jewish at least? Can you promise me that?” And I told him that we would, but that it would be our version of Judaism, because he always told me to question authority, to argue with God and to find my own meaning in Jewish teachings.

And if you’re reading this you may think, well that is just your story, why are you insinuating that’s everyone else’s experience? Well of course I am not trying to do any such thing but it seems to be a popular theme. I’m currently reading Aaron Raz Link’s book “What Becomes You” and I just finished reading the section in which he tells the very first family member, his cousin, that his name is now Aaron and at first the cousin thinks that Aaron meant Erin as in Irish or Catholic or something and he freaks out, but then reason that it’s A a r o n, sighs with relief and understanding and says, well as long as you’re still Jewish.

It’s all about our Jewish identity and passing along the Jewish story to the next generation that matters. Who you are, who you love, even having tattoos, can all be forgiven as long as you remember the people who came before you and the Jewish story, remember that you are Jewish even if it’s not a religious practice for you anymore, it’s your culture, your history, your people.

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Filed under Engaged Life, family, gender, growing up, Politics is Personal, Reading, Religion

Gleek Out – Day 20

Day 20 – Maureen or Joanne? (Or your favorite LGBTQ show or queer-positive show)

My fiance and I watch Glee every week on Hulu. It’s cheesy, it’s awesome, it’s musically wonderfully amazing. Also this week’s episode was pretty awesome for confronting internalized homophobia. I’m excited to see where this goes.

L Word definitely used to be my favorite. I found it as I was finding myself, and probably watched the first season a hundred times. Definitely watched all six seasons, though the first five I had to wait until it was on DVD. The final season was honestly not that great, but probably my favorite for the times I had watching it. Season Six happened when I was truly immersed in Queer Culture 24/7. The vast majority of my friends fell somewhere in the LGBTQ spectrum, my roommates were all gay, I was the co-chair of the Queer & Ally Club at my community college and Sundays for us were “Sunday Fundays”. A day that culminated all that gay awesomeness into one day a week where anywhere from 3 to 8 people would wake up at either our apartment or the “homo house” as it came to be known and spend the day drinking or at the beach or on a hike or at the pool or a combination of all of the above and finish it up by watching L Word that night. It was a really fun, virtually care-free period of my life, with friends who I hope to keep in touch with the rest of my life. A lot of us have since moved out of state, back in state, and away again. I got engaged, two of the girls became girlfriends, one joined the army, one moved to San Francisco and back, others are still around doing their thing. Life moves on, we do our own things, but we all still love each other and have a blast when we get together.

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Filed under 30 Day Meme, growing up, Media

Day 17

Day 17 – Your first experience with an LGBT organization or event (Day of Silence, Pride, etc

Before I was a loud, proud, engaged, civil rights fighting, gender questioning semi-adult, I was a very quiet teenager. Okay that’s a lie, but I was shy, sometimes. My first experience you say? Well we had a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) at my high school but I never went, of course to be fair I was only there for a year… Probably my first major event was my hometown pride festival, a normally totally family friendly event but gf at the time was completely wasted. Then later after I came to my senses I became the co-chair of the Queer & Ally Club at the community college for a year, spoke at protests, marched in Los Angeles, went to protests in Fresno and San Francisco, and got an equality tattoo on the back of my neck.

I know, I just scream dyke. I’m okay with that.

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Filed under 30 Day Meme, family, gender, growing up, Politics is Personal

First Girlfriend…

Day 16: A picture from your first LGBT relationship or of your first LGBT crush

The last time we spoke was Election Day 2008, she voted yes on Prop H8. I did have a picture of her here, but I think that was unethical of me so I’ve deleted it.

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Filed under 30 Day Meme, growing up